Had a second meeting with Nicky today. She had been quite lenient with the red pen I felt, all in all.
One critical flaw in the screenplay she did point out was the lack of a ‘logic’ character – everyone was busy intuitising their way through the story, no one was pointing out that they might all be wrong if they actually sat down and thought about it rationally.
I checked back through my notes from Dramatica and lo and behold, she was right. The character assigned to the reason characteristic had had two scenes cut out, and wasn’t physically present in the other two, (only in the subtext – i.e. one of the characters was speaking on his behalf).
So I’m off in a minute to invent a new character, or at least resuscitate one of the characters I’d killed off from the first draft to create a Miss Logic. I think she’ll be a flatmate, thus enabling her lots of opportunity to criticies in her logical fashion.